i wanted to share my thoughts on how we view ourselves in the past when comparing with our present self. you’ll know what i mean, i promise. i have been too critical of my fleeting baby face lately. i’ve been caught in the sink. literally in the sink. knees pressed against the bathroom mirror, picking and poking and inspecting my face. i’ve been known to pinch and prod certain bits of flesh near the midsection that “shouldn’t” be and scrunch my face in discontent.
it’s all normal. women do these things. but the thing is, i tell myself all the time that i miss the days of my youth. the ‘beautiful days’, i say. this is where i made my mistake.
last night we pulled out old home videos of the boys when they were wee-wee little ones. {side note: oh my they were g.o.r.g.e.o.u.s! and hysterical} i caught my first glimpse of 19 year old britt and i gasped. literally gasped.
i was awkward, chubby and totally not confident. i had a puffy face and wore clothes to hide behind. i moved with a sad little shuffle and my words never quite came out right.
this was not the young pretty girl i had remembered! what a total shocker. i realized that i am now stronger, smarter and way more confident than her. i no longer battle with clothes, i care about my body in a whole new way, i listen to national public radio, i turned off the television, and i cook tofu. i’m so different. and so much happier, balanced and aware.
when we start that transition from young adult to adult it feels wobbly and foreign but when it dawns on us that we are there, alive and well, it’s like the revolution that went so well you never noticed. today, i’m thanking my lucky stars.
birthday dinner {gin&ginger.mmm}
6 Comments
July 2, 2009 at 3:23 pm
This is my favorite post of all the posts you have ever done!!! You are gorgeous, you are smart, you are the best you you have ever been and I am so glad to see you finally recognize that. Quit beating yourself up and start patting yourself on the back!
July 2, 2009 at 9:02 pm
yeah, I know what you mean, I used to think back all the time and wish I was the old me again, but now I feel a little sorry for that me of the past.
as turtleandtwine said above, pat yourself on the back!
July 3, 2009 at 3:08 pm
you know what’s funny? you never see yourself the way others see you…isn’t it funny that we women put all of those pressures on ourselves? when we look in the mirror, we see a face or a body, when others see us they hear wit, see strength, feel love! we just have to constantly remember we’re the whole package…even on a bad hair day!!
July 4, 2009 at 12:48 am
that was an awesome post. insightful. and it was a fun night. I hope in a year in a half, at 25, I will also be able to reflect in such a way. I was inspired by your lists of good evolutions.
July 6, 2009 at 4:35 am
just got back from Jamaica.. Happy belated, Britt. We’re the same now
Now, I have a few days to catch up on in the blog of my fav…
July 6, 2009 at 4:01 pm
welcome back love!